their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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