do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
