I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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