For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
