You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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