i think my tv is drunk
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
