It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
