I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
