You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wish you could order shots online.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
