first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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