What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
