I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
