just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
