fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
