You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
