I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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