so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
