u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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