I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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