Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
