I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
