pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
