Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
