soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
