I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
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My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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