Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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