you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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