Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
