This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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