so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
