I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
