I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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