Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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