This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
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