i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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