My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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