Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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