I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
