I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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