why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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