True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It was confusing and full of hummus
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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