I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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