I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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