dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
