Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
