I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
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I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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