Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
