We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
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His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
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He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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