so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
