I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
These tits shall not be calmed
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
