My underwear smells like fireworks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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