Already got asked if we're dating
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
