my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
