flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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