i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
