please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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