normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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