I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
