My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
