if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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