I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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