Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
