ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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