you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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